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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Friends, For Better Or Worse

Throughout my childhood, I’ve always had alot of friends. They were the most important thing in the world. I was the girl in school who had the new coat, new school shoes, new whatever. I was popular, if a bit of a bully at times. When I moved to Spain, after a month of being in school, I was back at being the popular girl in my year, and I had lots of friends, this lasted 3 years.
Me In Spain With Friends

When I came back to England when I was 15, I had nobody. I was pregnant, and my old ‘friends’ didn’t have time for me anymore. After the initial novelty of me being back, they forgot about me. And it hurt. I went out at the weekends, meeting up with acquaintances rather than friends. I didn’t understand why, I saw these people on a regular basis, but they still hold me at an arms length, not quite trusting, not quite liking me.

I’m different to all of my friends because I have a daughter. They don’t understand why I can’t come out everyday, why I can’t stay up all night raving like everybody else. What hurts more is the fact that they don’t try to understand, they don’t care, and this is what made me realise that I don’t actually have any friends anymore.

When I think of my parents, I notice that friends don’t mean much to them, they might see them once a month, if that. It makes me think, ‘is this happening to me? Do I have to grow up now, focus on work and Heidi, and stop seeing my friends?’

When I had Heidi, I knew I was giving up most of my social life, I realised and accepted it. What I didn’t realise was how much I was giving up. What else I didn’t realise is, all my friends weren’t my friends. Not one person came to see me when I was in hospital apart from family, no one came to see Heidi, to see me. I’ve lived in my house for a year and a half now, and I can count on one hand how many people have been.

It’s not fair! I’m a nice person, I’m trustworthy, reliable and funny (sometimes) but no one gives a shit. It’s always me going to see them. I haven’t been out in a few months now, and no one has asked me to come out, they probably don’t even realise I’m not there.

Friends? Fuck em’

**The only exception of this is a miss KIJ who I love dearly**


  1. I really like your Blog... even though I am not a teen mother I can understand you about the friends part :/ Not everyone is as trustworthy as some... I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve in your life :)Claire


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