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Monday, May 28, 2012

Things about parenting you didn't know would happen...

While baby Connor naps and Heidi is at nursery I thought I would make a list of things that happened to me that I didn't expect after becoming a mother...

  1. LEAKAGES: The first few months after giving birth, every time I coughed, sneezed and don't even get me started on laughing, I seemed to become temporarily incontinent and would have to wear big fat Tena lady adult nappies to stop leakages! This is a lot more common than people would have you know.. Thankfully it went away after a few months though, I felt really attractive in my giant nappy!
  2. LEAKAGES PART II: The first few weeks after giving birth (especially when breastfeeding), your boobs just get the urge to start raining on your t-shirt, breast pads are available but they weren't enough for me once my 'let down' reflex kicked in! (when milk really starts coming out), I had to take a change of top with me when I went out, and used big thick mens socks to stop it from happening when I was out and didn't have Connor with me.
  3. BYE BYE BREASTS: With my first child, my boobs didn't seem to change that much (I didn't breastfeed with my first) apart from they had dropped a little. After breastfeeding for 3 months with Connor they literally deflated. Currently saving for a boob job! 
  4. THE BLACK BELLY LINE: The linea negra, which is common in pregnancy, is supposed to fade after giving birth. With my first child, it was very noticeable but faded almost straight after delivery.. With Connor, 7 months on and I can still see it.
  5. OUCH: The soreness 'down there' for the first few weeks after. I had no stitches myself and the soreness for me was almost unbearable, I dread to think how sore it is with stitches. Going for a wee is like having acid poured on you, especially if you had any scratches or tears (I had some scratches), the soreness lasted about 6 weeks with Heidi, and 4 weeks with Connor. To relieve it, when you go for a wee have a jug of lukewarm water, and tip it on you as you go.. or wait until you're just about to get out of the bath and do it, it really does take the pain away. 
  6. SEX: Now I will be honest, this was one of the most worrying things for me with my second, I didn't want to have a 'bucket'! It turns out I was worrying for nothing, your va-jay-jay is a bit like an elastic band, it snaps back into place. Sex for me hasn't been any different after having children, although I'm sure some women will disagree!
  7. PIERCED NAVAL? Take it out ASAP when pregnant, I kept mine in all throughout and it's stretched terribly, when I was pregnant with Connor it fell out with the ball on, that's how much it stretched! It goes back in now but it hangs and looks really droopy.
  8. SWAP GUCCI FOR GEORGE: In the past 4 years, my clothes have been drooled on, sneezed on, pooed on, peed on, chewed, stretched and covered in various gunk. With a young baby there isn't much point to wearing designer clothes for them to be sicked on, with young children, quantity is better than quality (fear not fashion fiends, after the baby years are finished you can wear them again :)) Primark is good for £2 plain t shirts, they wash okay and they're fine for around the house/nursery run/shopping.
  9. SLEEP: Although it's an obvious one, you do not realise how sleep deprived you will be in the first few months until it hits you. If your partner is like mine and won't 'do mornings' when he's off work, an afternoon nap when baby naps is perfect for catching up on lost sleep.
  10. TOTAL CHAOS IN THE HOME: The first few months are the worst when you're struggling to keep to the golden routine, which is like the bible of motherhood to run a family. So the house may be messier than usual, dishes not done exactly on time - does it really matter so much? Family and friends will understand, I get my friends to help me when they are around at cleaning time! There's more to life than having a shiny floor. Personally, I have got my routine down so I get all my cleaning done in an hour and half each day. 15 minutes per room and stop, have a brew put your feet up and then move on to the next room. If you are stuck at home on maternity leave it helps to break the day up, it doesn't feel like you are cleaning all day but it isn't like you're sat doing nothing either.
Of course, all this is worth it for our precious children... 

Is there anything else you would add to this list? What happened to you that you didn't expect after becoming a parent?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Are older mothers better?

Hi all,
I read an article in the Daily Mail yesterday about mothers who choose to wait until after 40 to reproduce. In the article, it said that 'children of mothers over 40 are healthier, more intelligent and less likely to have accidents'.
The full article can be read here: Daily Mail: Children of mothers over 40...

Now I know that the DM is hardly the most accredited newspaper, most of it is tabloid trash but occasionally they do have a few good reads. This article stuck out in my mind because of the last line, and I quote '‘The evidence suggests that when the enormous difficulties of pregnancy and birth are over, they can make better mothers,’ he added.'
I really would like to know where they get their statistics from. Women over 40 make better mothers? How can they even make a statement like that, what makes a better mother? Money, possesions, career status?

I had my children early so this can be a sensitive subject with me, but in my opinion I don't think that waiting until 40 makes you a better parent.  By the time your children would be ready to marry you would be 65, and can you see yourself running the parents race at sports day aged 50?

In no way am I trying to offend older mums here, but for me, a mother who is 40 has NO advantage over me, apart from maybe a mortgage and a more demanding job. I have been through so much in my short time in this world, I probably have more life experience than a lot of 40 year old women.

My parents were a little bit over 30 when I was born, married, ran their own business and we lived in a 4 bedroomed detached farmhouse with 2 acres of land. I had the best clothes and holidays, went to a good school and did lots of extra-curricular activities. I am very close to my parents and my mum is my best friend.

Here are my advantages of being a younger parent to an older one:
  1. When my daughter hits 18, I will only be 32 (35 when my son reaches 18). We we still be able to enjoy the same activities, share the same interests and I will still be young enough to relate to her (and Sam with our son). I can't see a 60 year old and 18 year old sharing many interests or enjoying the same things.
  2. I'll live long enough to see most of the life of my children, watch them get married, have children and hopefully still be around to watch my grandchildren mature into adults.
  3. I'm healthy and active enough to participate in energetic activities with my kids for longer periods of time.
  4. I am interested in fashion, beauty and hair and keep up to date with what's on trend. My daughter will appreciate this when she hits puberty. 
  5. We are young enough to be 'cool' parents. Now that statement seems very immature, but this is actually really important to kids, no one wants to have embarrassing, old-fashioned parents.
  6. I can start my demanding, responsible career in 4 years and put my all into it. Mums who choose careers first often end up quitting after they have their first child. To me that seems a bit backward - why start a great career to throw it all away after 15 years? 
  7. I have never had to give anything up for my children as I never had anything to give up. Older mums have to sacrifice more.
  8. By the time my kids have left home, Sam and I will be able to do the things we always wanted to do, and hopefully by then we will be earning more than ever, so we will have the money to enjoy life.
  9. Pregnancy and birth is on average easier for younger parents. I could fit into my size 6 jeans the day after delivery and both my labours were normal with no stitches.

There are always exceptions to the rule, and in this case there seems to be many exceptions.

Of course it is down to personal choice and circumstances, many mother do not choose to become older mums as such, it just works out like that...

So, in conclusion.. In my experience there is no advantage to being an older mother.

What age do you think is ideal to start a family? To the younger parents - do you wish you had waited before starting? To older parents - do you wish you had started earlier?

All comments are appreciated, I would like to get more of a perspective on this...

Thanks for reading, Kim.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Yearly update

Hi everyone,
Sorry for not updating my blog regularly like a good blogger, this past year has been crazy and I've been very busy!
So if I was ringing 'the dole', I would probably have to say my circumstances have changed. I'm now 19, still with my now FIANC√ČE (eek!) Sam, Heidi is now 4 and we have an addition to the family, little baby Connor who is now 7 months. I'm still on maternity leave but I go back to work in a few weeks, and I can't wait! It's so boring being at home.
 Little Connor

So as some of you know, I used to ride a scooter which was appalling in winter haha, so I've been having driving lessons for the past year and I've got my test on Friday so wish me luck!
We came back off holiday on Thursday, we went to Alicante, Spain to visit my parents for 10 days and it was great, apart from Heidi getting tonsillitis and prickly heat all over her body for the first week, and me getting bronchitis and heat exhaustion.. but apart from that it was good! Sam and I spent most of our time quad biking through the mountains and just generally relaxing and enjoying our family

Sam, Heidi and Connor in the jacuzzi at my parents place in Spain

I've decided to come back to blogging, I read the news every morning and some stories are ones that I have very strong opinions on, but my comments get lost in the thousands of others that are posted... So you can enjoy my rants here :)

Welcome back to my old followers and welcome to all the new ones that may arrive!