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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

05/05/2010 Finding the right balance.

Changing from an immature teenager to a fully fledged adult is hard, I mean you're happily sailing along at age 14 (when you think you're an adult and know everything anyway).. 15.. you can even get away with being an immature little sod at 16. Then you leave school and people expect you to know what to do next. As you probably know, I'm 17 and I have no idea what direction my life is going in.
In theory I know what I'm meant to do, or what is expected of me. I.E. Getting a career, settling down with a bloke, having a family etc.. But the change from teenager to adult is really difficult.. There's no manual on how to grow up, and parents are there to guide you but they can't exactly give you step-by-step instructions.
A problem I have in my life is balancing everything out and getting my priorities right.
I know when you've got no money you shouldnt be buying the most expensive toiletries and having too many nights out but when mother (or father) cuts the apron strings which have tied you to rules for all of your life I seemed to go a bit nuts. I literally throw my money at takeaways, make-up, hair dye and 'having fun' but when I've got no money and theres no food in the fridge I'm miserable.
I know I need to grow up fast, and I'm starting to question if I really am ready to fly my mum's nest or whether I want to run back and hide behind her legs when adult situations hit me in the face.
I just feel a bit lost. To be honest I think I WANT my parents to discipline me because it gives me that little bit more stability which is basically non-existent in my life.
My other half provides a fair amount of stability for me, but I can't rely on him to live my life for me. Heidi needs a secure mum, and I'm getting really better at being an actual mother but of course I'm still learning.
As I'm writing this I've just realised that this is probably what life is all about. It's not easy, it's really fucking hard! No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow so you just have to try and lay foundations today so that the next day things won't be so difficult, if you know what I mean?
The next thing I want to do is save money, which is really hard for me. I might actually use my blog to make a note of how much money I'm spending because in my head I know I'm spending too much (but I just usualy forget about it and think I'll save another day), but when it's written down infront of you, I might take a bit more notice.
Watch this space!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Kim its Dk here, haven't talked in a while, but i think i'm going to set up a blog soon. Your post is amazing, you've changed a lot since living here, for the better obviously, don't forget the odd nights are ok, you're still a teenager, although a mum. You need to sit down and have a long thought about what you want to do with your life and ofcourse you're daughter's. Start writing the money spent on a paper/diary rather than the blog,write in it every day and try to find ways of saving up.
    Hope I will see you sometime and finally meet your daughter, =) Dan x


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