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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

MCAT Meow Meow Meph-Head Madness

My experience of MCAT.

September 2009 - Tried one line at a party, loved it! Could still eat, sleep, had a mint buzz and no comedown!

October 2009 - Beginning to use every weekend with a group of friends including my boyfriend. Had one bad experience where I had a massive rush, couldnt handle it and started panicking. 20 minutes later I was fine though, and carried on using it.

December 2009 - Began to use it more frequently, using 2-3 grams every few days. Starting to feel depressed all the time, staying up for days on end, not eating (went down to 6.2 stone). I also started to have terrible rows with my boyfriend. I knew I was addicted by this point, but would refuse to acknowledge it.

January 2010 - By this point I was using it everyday. My face sunk and became gaunt. You could see all my bones, my face became pale. I wasn't eating hardly at all and when I did eat, I could only manage tiny portions. I could not fall asleep without having a spliff to bring me down. I was getting through about £60 - £80 a week on it and at £10 - £20 per gram.. thats way too much. I started to self harm and began slitting my wrists when I was coming down off the drug

February 2010 - Still using every other day, although slowly I started to bring myself off it.. My weight started to come back and I was feeling better. Although mid-Feb i relapsed after a terrible argument with my boyfriend and went on a bender for a few days.

March 2010 - Still using the drug, but not half as much as I used to. Lots of MCAT stories are now appearing in the news after the deaths of two boys after they took the drug. Doesn't scare me though.. because when you actually read into the stories you find out that it isn't MCAT that killed them.. They were also drinking (very bad idea) and took methadone (what heroin addicts take to wean themselves off heroin) to come down. Taking one drug is one things, but mixing a cocktail of drugs whilst drinking alcohol? that's just stupid ( I know I can't really talk.)
I haven't had one drink of alcohol since September 09, and I don't take any other drugs (apart from occasionally smoking weed) so the only way I'm abusing me is through meow.
I don't plan to cut it completely out as I'm now learning about control. Now and again is fine I think.. but constantly nailing it like I was, I was basically killing myself.

I wanted to write this because the lack of evidence and reports on Mephedrone is shocking. This drug is very VERY dangerous and the fact that 10 year old kids are taking it is just ridiculous. It reminds me of heroin (I've never taken it) because of how addictive it is. I've heard of people (mostly girls) sobbing their hearts out at 5am, not being able to sleep because they NEED 'just one more line'. Now these girls come from respectable families, they aren't council estate chavvy scum who have nothing better to do.
At one party I went to, there was a primary school TEACHER off her head on drone, crabbing and gurning her bag off on the floor.
*crabbing - having spasms in parts of your body and quick movements of your hands (a bit like when a crab clicks his pincers).. it happens when you're on upper drugs like pills, speed and mcat.*

Effects of meow meow:
  • Gurning,
  • Chatterting teeth,
  • Biting your lips constantly and tearing them.
  • Biting your nails till they bleed,
  • Constant talking
  • Looking around the room all the time
  • When you try to find something you can be looking for 4-5 hours straight and still be totally focused on finding something.
  • Euphoria
  • Feeling really happy
  • Loving everybody in the room
  • Paranoia
  • Hallucinations (one time I was absolutely convinced rats were running across the walls when i was trying to sleep. I had to go and sit in the living room for ten minutes to calm myself down because I was really panicking.)
  • Being gormed out to fuck.
The really bad parts in my experience.
  • Depression
  • Self harming
  • Really scabby nose
  • Really bad couging, bringing up lots of phlegm the next day
  • Purple knees, elbows and knuckles
  • Heart palpitations
  • Dreadful paranoia.
To anyone who reads this, don't immediately write me off as a drug addict. I am slowly but surely getting myself off this drug and have no qualms about seeking professional help if I think I can't do it on my own. My sister was a heroin addict and she died, so I know how badly drugs can affect people lives.
If you would like to comment or have any questions about anything I wrote in this blog, PLEASE don't hesistate to ask me anything. I hope to god no one goes through what I went through a few months ago.. and if you have never tried MCAT.. Don't even have the first line.. you could of just given yourself a life sentence.

Thanks for reading,
Kim

81 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing!!

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  2. Dont't worry, everyones on the same boat as you right now. Reading your time line of events, me and all my friends did everything at exactly the same time.

    It's the after effects mentally people need to worry about, i took my last line of the stuff in april, its now october and my heads still fucked. Peace

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  3. Oh god tell me about it lol I wonder if I'm ever going to feel the same as I did before I took drugs. Last time I had some was about April too and the thought of mcat still makes me feel anxious and sick... Its horrible

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  4. Hey! yup yup! sounds just like me too! timeline is about a perfect match to mine!!
    that shit fucked me big time!

    i had to quit uni coz of it and too much partying, how i held a job down through that as well ille never know!

    last had it in june off some shady dealer n it was weak as, but whatever it was cut with was weird and helped put me off forever! weed helped me wein off it.

    not just that but i put my friends through hell watching me do it all the time! so much i could say on this but it would be too long
    =)
    its just nice to find some other people that have been through this as nobody else really understands!
    i hope your doing ok now and have managed to start mending yourself up as i know all too well how it tears you and your whole life apart!

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    1. And her I am replying 4 years later after reading your words as my owm thoughts! This shits fucked up everyone around me and I've had to quit uni the lot so I'm glad I'm not the only one going crazy lol

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  5. my boyfriend has been going through this since last december and it's breaking my heart to watch him mess himself up. I don't think he actually wants help i've tried over and over and I can't stick around and be treated the way he treats me anymore, even if he is a addicted and sees no choice other than to put it before me. glad you've got through your experience and hope the same happens with my boyfriend, although i think i've lost the person he was for good.

    mcat is alright in moderation once a month or so but i guess it's easier said than done to stick to that sort of ideal. x

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    1. I just did an eight today. It was fun. But now I'm not touching it for another month or two. I used to be really bad on it, (once I did three ounces in 3 nights without sleep and it was not weak) I did it for two years flat, started washing cars at peoples doors for money to get it, I stole from where I lived, it just all got out of hand. I've pretty much stopped it now, only touch it as a release every couple months, but gosh I had to lock myself in my room, snap my bank card and give all my money to a friend to look after so I couldn't do it, smoke a joint everyday and just be boxed away from it. I was locked in my room for three weeks before my head calmed down, then I gradually stopped on and off. What I found out, is buy 6g, do it all in one day, make sure you finish it all in the day. There should be no 'space it out' bullshit because that means your getting paranoid that you'll run out too quick. When you have finished, smoke a joint, think 'That was fun' and end it right there. If you chill out and eat plenty the next day, you'll go back to normal and not crave it near as much.

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  6. My boyfriend dissappears for days on end when he takes MCAT.He doesnt answer his phone or have any contact with me until he decides to come home which is usually 3-4 days later.Im out of my mind with worry as it happens every couple of months and after he is always really sorry and claims he will never do it again.This is no way to live wondering if he is ever going to come home after a night out.Any advise would be appreciated

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  7. How are you doing nowadays?

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  8. I took MCAT for the first time Feb 2010, just the one or two lines. Ive taken other drugs for years, coke, pills, mdma etc - ive always known the come downs to expect just for a few days later. But MCAT come downs DONT GO AWAY! I felt so depressed and suicidal, i took an over dose April 2010, had a nervous breakdown - went down to 6stone couldnt eat sleep - was terrible. I told myself i wouldnt do drugs ever again, but being in the environment where friends are doing it i just got myself back into it since Feb this year.
    I took MCAT a few times in march,april,may but a few weeks ago i ended up on a massive bender did about 2 grams of the SHIT in less than 12 hours. That was on a monday night.... i didnt sleep uintil Thursday night (thanks to valium off a friend). I lost half a stone, three nights of sleep, paranoia kicked in and i felt suicidal. I still do. I have been to the doctors , i didnt say it was drugs i just said im depressed. That crap has totally fucked me up again, its absolutely disgusting and dirty and i wouldnt advise anyone on taking it. I feel worthless, paranoid, unloved, i have panic attacks, dont want to be in public or talk to anyone. Id rather be dead than feel this way. Im just hoping after a few months ill go back to normal, but ive heard its driven people to kill themselves. Im not deprived of anything really, i wear nice clothes, i have nice family, i have a normal house, a normal job - nothing worth being depressed over but after taking MEAW MEAW i just want nothing more than to die. If youve taken it & you cant handle it like me, god help. But i know loads of people that take it every weekend and their heads are fine. Maybe certain people can deal with it and others cant....

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    1. 2 grams in 12 hours i do 12g in 8

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    2. That sounds EXACTLY the same as me. Started off as just a few lines trying it at a party.
      Then started going out doing it once a week. These would then spiral in to full on sessions which last for about 3 days every week doing drugs non stop without sleep or food.
      Finally when uni started I decided to stop but have felt absolutely shit all the fucking time!
      Let myself down on a night out and had it for a 2 day session after Id stopped for 2 months after previously saying "I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!"
      But in the situation where friends are doing it and offering you some, its hard to turn it down. Been 2 weeks since that now and I have honestly had not one good day since.
      I wake up and feel like i have no purpose in life, cant have a laugh, always serious and getting annoyed and pissed off over little things which isnt like me. Im usually the happiest person youd ever meet. Up for a laugh always having fun but THIS SHIT just fucks you up!
      Sat in my bedroom with my head wandering thinking to myself "what the fuck am I doing with my life? Whats the point in life when you dont enjoy it? Feeling shit and miserable all the time?"
      Cant be bothered to attend any social events cos I cant contribute to conversations, my mind just wanders and I feel like a stranger among my friends.
      Dont know what to do when Ive got uni work to do but just cant focus or concentrate on anything at all!
      I just feel like i am wrong in the head sometimes and i need to do something about it but just dont know what to do -_-

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  9. Hiya,
    I couldn't deal with it at all, the whole town I lived in was taking it, everyone was like a zombie. Thankfully it was like the supply ran out, the main two dealers in town couldn't get hold of it any more because it became illegal, and the mcat was no where near as good as it was when it first come out so people stopped buying it, and the price went up too, so people couldn't afford it.. it kind of just drifted out of my life. I tried replacing it with pills, speed, ketamine but it wasn't the same. It took me about a year to feel normal again, where I didn't think about mcat at least once a day. It's so hard, but you can definitely do it. If you feel alone - tell your doctor. You won't be the first person who's gone to them with a drugs problem and they are there to help you.. holding it in is just going to make you kill yourself. Get help while you can xxx

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  10. This is a really good blog and you say it exactly how it is! im 23 and been doin it for about 2years used to be really bad last year me and my mates would stay at mine and would take upto 28grams over the weekend. towards the end of the year the quality got worse and price went up due to it being made illegal, so we started doing less, we all noticed we started getting bad paranoia mainly on the 2nd night of no sleep. I have friends that are teachers doing it 3-4x a week and going to work with no sleep, it is starting to control peoples lives expecicially mine, i have been doctors and had a few councelling lessons thar are helpin great, no1 can quit full stop with out reducing dosage over time, but its good u realise and expecially if it causes u to self harm x

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  11. Brilliant blog.
    Thankyou.
    Close family member is taking this stuff. Is now emotionally volatile, depressed, and looks ill, has lost loads of weight. Guess what - she says she doesn't do drugs.
    Am waiting to help her, but it's not pleasant to see this sad story unfold.

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  12. Thanks for sharing!

    I started taking in may 2011 first once a month then now has become to weekly. Only about a gram every time I go out tho. But I have some days were I go on a bender. I was very anti drugs before and am now cutting mcat out my life! I noticed it's a drug that kinda slowly takes hold over u, I don't know if I'm addicted but that feeling of needing it on a night out made me Wana stop it was fun yes but I think if I don't stop now I never will. Plus the come down makes u well depressed and can outweigh the high. And I use to hey these really scary sleep paralysis hallucination things which is another reason I'm tryna quit! Good luck to all those trying to stop / Cutdown too! Take care x

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    1. Hey fair play to quitting that shit I'm trying to quit it now, it's not easy I started taking it about 2 years ago then stopped because I hated it, then I started again and this time round it got the better of me, it started off like most who take it a gram a week but that soon become 2 then 3, then it turned to 4 a week sometimes more, the worst bit for me is I work abroad and I'm put a g in my case some times more and if I drive abroad then I'll take even more with me, it really is a killer it fucks up lives and it's definitely fucking mine up, I get massive mood swings and can just snap in to a rage and if I don't have it for a week I just start to feel all this anger and just want to flip out, I'm sneaking round behind my girlfriends back doing it, as long as I keep trying to quit I think I'm in with half a chance of stopping, I hope you've managed to quit pal, all the best

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  13. Good blog, hope the creater is doing abit better than when this was started..

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  14. Awful awful awful drug, first 6months of this year I absolutely hammered it with my mates, 3 day benders no sleep talking nonsense to anyone and everyone, and when we were just running out we'd just buy another days supply, just utterly ridiculous behaviour for me and my mates in our early 20's. I'd become paranoid, suffer from insomnia, take days off work with the horriffic comedown, avoid social interaction, spend stupid amounts on alcohol, I'd cut my lips gurning and I also chipped half my front tooth of grinding my teeth. After that I vowed never to touch this hideous DANGEROUS drug ever again, its taken hold of a few of my mates and they're lost to it atm, which is very sad. I haven't touched any since early July time and never will again!
    To everyone out there thinking of doing it, please don't, for 1 it burns the hell out of your nose and 2 it totally ruins people

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  15. Well done u stopped Tom! Gives me hope! It really is a horrible devilish drug

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  16. Its really weird reading this and seeing how much it relates to mine and everybody else's situations! pretty much everybody where i live is on it constantly!! stupid 3 day benders.. spending stupid amounts of money on it.. lost my job because of not going in all the time because id still be up from the night before.. i find that my come downs arnt that bad though.. dont get depressed or paranoid really.. just get mood swings now and again. I cant remember the last weekend i didnt take it!! its crazy.. and its not like you can go out anywhere and not be tempted because EVERYONE literally everyone is always getting high! i dont wanna sound like a hypocrite because yes i do still take it quite frequently,(not as much as i used to.. but probably just because i cant really afford it) because im not gunna lie i always have the funniest times with my mates and stuff.. but yeh i kind of do wish it would fade away! just disappear! my situation isnt that bad but i can see how its changing people and tearing peoples lives apart! hope everyone ive read about is doing ok though!

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  17. thought it was just me who was thinkin like this n wanting to give up. almost always done it 2 days straight for 4 days a week n it n it absolutely fuks me, started cuttin rite down now as my mate is gettin it for free very frequently n its fukin him rite up, its scary! i think i have the will power to give up, its like a never endin circle that has to end. gud luk all peeps tryna give up, mkats sum crazy messed up shit

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  18. Yh mcat is some crazy fucked up shit, fun at first but then like you said about the cycle..if people dont stop now when will they?

    You just need some will power, iv'e not touched it for 2 weeks which is very good for me considering i use to have it every few days.

    What really scared me, is as i was sleeping i use to get these similar to epaleptic fits...not to major but scary and im 90% sure it was the mcat causing it, because u can get fits due to sleep depervation and what do u do when u have loads of mcat...DONT SLEEP!!

    i aint no saint, but my advice to anyone taking it is atleast cut down or stop completely if u can! think back to life before meow u didnt 'need' it then so you dont now. :) xx good luck everyone!

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  19. ......oh and carrying on from the above post....for those who are new to mcat...be warned..i noticed in the first few months of taking everything is great....

    no problem sleeping
    no comedown
    no feeling unhappy while your last bag is finishing..

    as time goes on, even if ur just taking a gram a week...

    the nasty effects creep in!!! such as a horrible comedown, maybe sleep paralysis that lots of hevy users experince, so hard to sleep after your gram! etc

    these were just my experinces...but really, i think mcat is no good!

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  20. It's crazy to read all of this as this i's exactly what iv been going thru!! And totally agree with the fact that the first few months are great amazing buzz no bad come downs nice and cheap then ur nose fucks up the paranoia kicks in your hands an feet can go cold am my heart beats some crazy ass beats man that shits fucked up I'm trying my best to stop iv Been off for 3 weeks and really hope I don't go back iv lost my amazing girlfriend an all the respect of my friends an work colleges I was someone that people looked up to had a great life an everything I wanted and that stuffs taken it all so I hope I can take something back! All your posts av helped an I hope u all get to were u wanna be piece

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  21. ^well done on quitting for 3 weeks! That init self is something to be proud of!!! Im happier cuz now the urge for it is fading I thought new year new start whereas in the past I felt I 'needed' it the horrible side effects outweigh the buzz for me and really none of us know the long term side effects! I'm sure in know time youl get back to your old self mate so chin up and good luck 2 u and everyone else trying to quit / cut down! x :D <3

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  22. i have been on it simce it first came out.. ive got to say there hqs been one point where it ruined my life! the first line you have is the best buzz and rush you will ever have and you wil always try and chase that first buzz you ever had.. my and my ex boyfriend got a room in a shared house i waw a nursery nurse at the time ...my ex boss used to get the good stuff of the internet and so after work it would be a party round mine wed sniff 100s of grams not caring if we felt like shit and how sore are noses n mouths were becouse we were having a good time.. i used to love seeing things i loved being of my face...this happend everyweekend n ill stay up 3 days have my last line at 6 in the morn and then go work.... i ended up walking out of my job from deppresion my ex n i turned violent i had mood swings lost wait ...2 years later i still get on it when i can although i have learned to controll it ime ammune to it although ie not addicted i can go weeks with out it .. on the other hand ive taking drugs since i was 14 and ime a raver so its part of my life although i hold a job down and ime heathy i admit i mix drugs alot coke,weed,,pills,,base,ket.kat mdma n recently i have tried sleeoers and nitriuos gas which is amazing, i was on mkat for 4 days had 2 day sleep and was up for another 3 days ....now ive had this stupid cold, fever , flu and i havent got rid of it for 2 weeks now ime never ill so ime thinking to my self i need to carm my self down my body is oviously not coping ,,, the thing is though i can really handle my drugs and i dont no my limit ... i am still going to use the drug and other drugs but ime now thinking about my ody and i think everyone else should to you only get one afterall

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  23. To all those with addictive personalities. A few lines once a week on the piss in some nightclub toilet isnt going to make you slit ur wrists up. Moderation.

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  24. Its not a "nasty devish drug" at all its ur own faults for hammering copious amounts of it on a regular basis. (not the best thing to do with powder based substances).

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  25. Trying not to do it every weekend and in the week too.. but it's readily available on tick, and the finances are dealt with when sober. So easy to just take and think, "fuck it, i'll sort it tomorrow".
    Cost aside, I find m-cat makes me massively lethargic for over a week after taking it - I simply cannot get out of bed when the alarm goes off.
    I love this stuff though, half the price of coke (and I guess half the buzz too) and doesn't block my nose. Get the strange waxy looking skin, but otherwise no comedown.. except pangs of emotion, eg when watching movies.

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  26. Just another update.
    I haven't had any for about 2 years now. Went out a couple of months ago to find that it's back again with a vengeance, I haven't been doing drugs because of being pregnant and having my son but ended up having just the one line at a party. Doesn't even smell like the same stuff anymore, the buzz is nice won't be having it again, it's not worth the shit. BENZO FURY is the new 'hottest' thing, I won't even dare try it because of my experience with MCAT.
    Now I just stick to the weed, but a couple of g's of coke doesn't go amiss on special occasions.

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  27. I woke up Friday morning thinking am going to have a good weekend and I did although…
    i had half a sandwich Friday, then went to meet some friends, and sniffed some mkat and continued all weekend, it makes you lose your appetite and keeps you awake, so Friday night i was up, Saturday day and night i was up too, also Sunday day, and night i was awake never slept or ate, by Sunday night/Monday morning i started to feel really weird and if when i was speaking it wasn’t me, and kept going dizzy and light headed, I thought this might have been from lack of sleep or food and carried on… But it got to point where i started seeing black bits around the room, like flies and would see spiders that wasn’t there and would stare for ages, my friends told me the day after that I wasn’t concentrating on anything they said, i kept swinging my arms around trying to get spiders and flies off me, i made me friend cover all her mirrors up, she told me that i said i saw a ghost at side of my friend and my friend stood up and went to the window for a cig, and i was saying don’t go to the window, get away from there i mean it, but she didn’t listen i saw a skull at back of her head and said ‘i told you not to go there’ and when they tried talking to me my eyes would wonder to the side of them and i would stare and smile at something, they even said i kept threatening to kill my self because i didn’t like it here and didnt belong here… when i learnt this as my events of last night are all confusing I really got scared, its given me a warning sign and made me realise i need to stop or cut down(as its hard to quit all at once), the effects of thisand having no food or sleep is bad and could be deadly.

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  28. Gemma, I used to experience what you were describing in your comment, I used to go dizzy and lightheaded after not eating for a couple of days, then everything would go black. I passed out walking home alone at night once, and really scared myself. Didn't stop me from nailing the MCAT every day though... You need to get away from it, stop hanging around with the people who are using it or go and stay with some family out of town or something, I hope you get better soon, it just gets worse and worse the more you sniff it.

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  29. I took mcat for the first time Friday with loads of alcholhol . I cut my lip biting it really bad,my heart is racing really fast and I am so paranoid especially when some one on with held number rings me .. I am feeling unloved and starting arguments and being Mardy . I can't sleep also .. It's been five days since I took it but I feel terrible will I ever get normal again?? I am scared

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  30. Everything here I can really relate to, me and my friend were going to an 18th party and we knew it'd be like really shit because it was in a function room and it's about £9.40 for a double whisky and coke so we thought we'd take some of this but it was mcat mixed with cocaine (we knew this), before this I'd smoked weed quite frequently, taken ectascy and LSD but we did a line of it in his and didn't feel anything, bought a bottle of whisky, i had about 9 glasses of this so I was quite drunk as well so when we went there we took two more "bombs" of the mix (putting it in a cigarette paper and wrapping it up and ingesting it with a drink) after about 30 minutes it properly kicked in and i'd never felt happier in my life and it was the greatest high i've ever experience, however I don't know if it was the cocaine or the mkat or a mix of them both, but I suddenly lost all sense of rationality and spent over £100 in half an hour on taxis to anywhere, vodka, cigarettes, anything I could see, I started to practically fall in love with anyone in the room, it was amazing, about 3 hours later though I started to comedown and we were sat in his at like 5am and we couldn't sleep or anything and we were feeling the most shit ever it was the worst i've ever felt in my life, it was like a hangover+sickness+insomnia+regret+comedown, but I left his and went to my girlfriends to go and apologise for being like that the night before, and I sorted everything out, went home, had a shower and got changed and stayed in bed all of the day and most of the day after, but the day after I went out to go and hand out CVs in town and I keep wanting more of this drug even though I know it will end up doing terrible things to my life, can someone tell me whether the feeling I got was that high that cocaine users describe the first time they ingest it and forever search for that high and thus become addicted, or was it the mcat, or a combination? Thanks :)

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  31. First took it in january this year and loved it... Now six months down the line, im paranoid about dying of a heart attack and am really scared... I stopped taking it from saturday and my throat and chest hurt atm... What do I do, I was anti drug til january now im addicted and scared to tell my mum and dad :'(

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    1. If it's becoming a real problem then you have to tell them. You made a decision that you were ready to to enter the world of drugs and have to live with that. Sure they might be furious for a few lifetimes but they're parents they will want whats best for you. After all this is over you may even learn one or two things about your parents' experiments, try to act as mature as possible and be frank. Hope this helps good luck!

      -Anon

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  32. I used twice a week for about 4 months im not sure if im addicted i have been havin it like once every 2 weeks for the last 3 months.. becuase im paranoid that i will get addicted would you say im at the stage where it is already out of hand becuase everytime im around it i have some, iv only said no once and it killed me was just thinkin about havin some all night... im in the same boat kyle neva tried drugs before january

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  33. I feel for you I really do and I hope you overcome your feelings. But personally I love mcat, I've taken alot of drugs before but before I did I did research and looked up what U was getting myself into. Not saying any of you didn't or that I'm better, its that, when dealing with party drugs you have to be very conscious about addictive qualities and force yourself to stop. You may be worried you dont have any power to stop but believe in yourself because you do! You are in control of your body no one else! Stay strong (easier said than done I know but keep uplifted about it) I suggest doing drugs only on big nights out like a meeting of friends who've not seen each other for ages or special birthdays. Doing it on a normal night out is money and buzz wasted and leads onto addiction. Truly though those feeling suicidal just remember that it isnt worth it, even if you dont care if you die your loved ones will be devestated and blame themselves, and they would have to live with that guilt. So don't be selfish and keep heads up high! And enjoy drugs in moderation!

    -Anon

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  34. Also here is a advice thing I wrote for newcomers to drugs on another forum, some of you are saying you are a first timer so please have a read!

    'Its a common misconception that drugs are pure evil. The media spout out stories about kids who threw themselves off buildings on [insert drug here] so it means that the drug itself did it. You're wrong, unless you have taken hallucinogens then you're in control of your body no matter what others say. I've done my fair share of drugs so I know a thing or two that I'm going to share; and hopefully the younger ones can take in my advice. This is for people curious about MDMA, xtc, mcat, coke. For others drugs use other articles as I have no personal experience in them.

    General rules:

    First up is moderation. While drugs are fun be warned they can get a hold of you and refuse to let you go no matter how strong of a willpower you think you have. Try only taking drugs on major events like someones birthday, dont get into a habit of taking them on just normal nights out. Everything in moderation is fine but there is still a risk you will have a bad reactiong to whatever you're taking so I advise taking small doses first.

    Be with friends and prepare yourse;f. Never ever take drugs when you're in a bad mood, it ruins the effect and you end up taking more to get rid of the bad feelings. AS I said before drugs are mood enhancers, take them while with close friends and in a happy mood and you'll have a great night. Also try to buy from trusted sorce a dealer who comes as reccomended from friends. Do research on the drug you're taking in advance and make your decision then when you know the facts.

    Hydration is key, drink water, say one cup every hour or so unless you're feeling dizzy and too hot and you're sweating alot. If thats the case grab a glass go to the outside area and cool off for 5 mins. Beer can be drank but I don't reccomend it as you won't remember anything the next morning, especially on xtc and whats the point if you can't remember, it could sometimes lead to complications although its never happened to me.

    My experiences:
    Coke: Although considered a dangerous drugs this didn't really effect me. It made my nose and throat abit numb due to the (which is a good way to see if its good coke or not, rub on gums and if it numbs its normally ok) chemicals, it also made me and my friends have abit more energy and talk more.

    XTC: In my opinion the best drugs, should be taken on rare occassions as taking it every week nullifies the effects severely and in turn you take more higtening the risk of damage. Drink fluids and if you feel bad go take a 5 min breather. MDMA - Linked with XTC, MDMA is the euphoric factor inside xtc pills, the higher quantity mg of mdma the better the pills.

    Mcat: Least known drug of the four due to its relatively 'newness'. A White powder that can be taken many ways normally snorting or bombing. Same effects as MDMA in a way but also gives you energy, doesn't last as long as MDMA so users have to 'top up' which is dangerous because it again hightens the risk of injuries and addiction.

    Last comments:
    I've never ever had a bad night on drugs, because I was cautions the first times I did it so I knew what to expect and I knew what my body could handle. Hopefully if you decide to take drugs you heed my advice, if you do drugs can be enjoyed and they can make a good night into an unforgettable ight. Jump straight in without research or preperation and they can take everything from you including your life so please be carefull but have fun! And to nay sayers who say drug user are useless, I have friends who work 70+ hours a week while taking drugs on nights out and friends who have their masters degrees from universities, its down to you and you alone.'

    - Anon

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  35. I'm also in the same boat. Started off as a laugh every other weekend where 2 gram would see 3 of us through all night. Usage started getting more frequent and before I knew it I was doing it every weekend. (Did it every weekend for just under 2 years.) And got to the stage where I was doing around 7-8 grams to myself, sometimes more if Leeds United were playing away. Well on the 1st April I had been up for 4 days and got througb around 11 grams, stupid amounts of alcohol, a pill which I don't even know was (Wasn't Ecstacy) When I was offered to come smoke a joint with a friend around 2 hours after dropping the pill. Well, because I'm an idiot, and because I wasn't tired and didn't feel like returning to a "normal" state to just yet, but mainly because I'm a fucking idiot, I smoked the joint with him. Within 15 minutes it all started going wrong in ways I can't even begin describing. Cut a long story short I was dragged into a cafe hallucinating, blacking out,hearing screams in my head,my heart on around 189 bmp, and feeling completely certain I was going to die.The ambluance journey was one of the most terrifying thing of my life, closely followed by a Black Mamba (Damiana trip) But that's a different story. Anyway laid there in the hospital I swore to myself I was never touching drugs EVER again. That was until the next week when I travelled to Reading to watch Leeds play. I had stayed up all night the Friday and come the time of kick off I was feeling terrible again, chest pains etc. I just about survived the day. Then the week after I was on the way to Cardiff and the same thing happened AGAIN, but worse. I mixed around 6 grams of Meph with Coke, Ket alcohol etc. And had a shocker of a panic attack on the way home and once again geniunely thought I was gonna die. For many weekends after this continued with me swearing never to touch the stuff ever again the next day. Experiencing a racing heart, palpitations, chest pains. The usual. Well one day I decided enough was enough and am now 2 months 2 weeks clean and don't ever want to see the stuff again. However I still experience heart/chest pains, De-realisation and various other symptoms. I've been to the hospital several times and they put it down to Anxiety, but chest pains are never re-assuring! 2 months on and my head is still absolutely fucked and I wonder if I'll ever feel normal again, and spend 80% of my day extrememly anxious and anticipating a heart attack/stroke.Despite being re-assured several times by hospital after chest x rays/ heart scans it's simply anxiety. I know it's a long read but I felt I'd share my story and hope it helps anyone who's feeling the same! I'm 16 by the way.

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    1. Thx so much for sharing m8, firstly well done for having stopped for so long please keep it up !!! Your story has inspired me because I have been on it about that long and like u was saying the day after a session this is the last time...it never was. But I know I really need to cuz this isn't right or healthy! Ps...I use to get bad chest/heart pains they use to come and go mainly a few days after a binge session then they would disappear. Give your body time to naturally heal and get back to normal then I'm sure everything will go back to normal. Maybe u thinking ur guna have a pannic attack or stroke ain't helping so try just to take life as it comes, live in the present moment and not over worry. Again very well done on stopping and thx for sharing! I hope to soon come back on here and post that I've actually stopped !! :)

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  36. This all makes sense I was so addicted resulted to given up my job as a machine technician, and buying 100 grams of the stuff at time locking myself in my flat and doing unbelievable amounts whist thinking I could make more money that way how wrong could I been, been clean year now but still don't feel write very anxious and paranoid would not recommend anyone to do this although I feel when I have a drink it fuels me more to get on it hope all of u can give up having a son helped me see the real world else I would still be in that place, I've even had little red rashes doctor said was fungel infection obviously meow :-(

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  37. What is everyone who wanted to get off MKat doing about working towards getting off it as I am right in the thick of it at the moment and want out.

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  38. If anyone knows where to get the good stuff from email me williams9881@msn.com im sick of soda powder im in the staffordshire are and can drive to pick up weight :).

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  39. I'm 17 and have been taking mcat for 3 years. The last year I've been a lot worse on it, me and my boyfriend of 2 years got back together after a long break and we've been taking it for 11 months pretty much every day. We used to take ounces in one night together. We've both managed to cut down to do 3.5gs together every Friday night but is like to quit all together. He is very paranoid constantly, never believes a word I say and constantly accuses me of cheating over the most pathetic things and it kills me inside. Because I'd never do anything to hurt him. Never in a million years, during this year I've got pregnant twice, the first time I got an abortion but this time I'm planning to keep it. I've lost around 150 nights sleep this year because of taking it and I'm extremely over tired. I'm just hoping my boyfriend is willing to quit for our unborn baby like I am

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  40. YOU CAN ALL DO IT MY STORY may2009 met new people brought a new thin "want some bought it online totaly legal" (was anti drugs at this time) had a line , loved it started doi.g every night out NYE 2009 BOught 10 gram online shared between 4 , from then on all is very blurry , became depressed n didnt stop taking it drifted from job to job lost houses flats, wore family n non iser friends thin , by early 2012 I wound up with a dealer boyfriend, everything was free, go thru oz's of it stay up for 5 days if someone looked at their phone I was paranoid ppl in the room were texting about me, was so paranoid, used to get so anxious I would shake on comedowns, wasted so much money, in April 2012 took one fateful night , I had an argument with my then boyfriend n he beat me up, this was the wake up call I needed, I cut myself off from everyone I knew that took it, I stayed in n reflected on how I lived my life for the last 3 years, I found a job, made new friends, old friends would swing by my Fla and pour mkat onto a DVD but I used to kick them out, afterall they werent friends, just people who needed somewhere to session, amazingly all these friends I used to take drugs with stopped contacting me coz I wasnt doing it anymor we had no common ground, I did relapse twice in about may n then July, but.not 3 days or anything just the one night, and the after affect of these relapses geared me on to stop, before it was an escape, I like that everyone loved eachother n I wasnt alo.e,now I am older I see through it and its not friendship or love, its a chemical reaction in your brain, not touched mkat since July 2012, from experience id say people think its an additionsctive substance, phsicologically , physically? No, I think if you are taking this n feel suicidal u have to accept that u need to stop, cut yourself iff from these friends coz theyre probally not even your true friends, consentrate on reality, ive never felt better mt life is the best its ever been without it, just avoid it, I used to crave it after having a drink, eventually that goes away, ill tell u what is permqnent damage, random paranoia, ill be at work n my boss will be talking, ill think shes talking about me, then I say to myself in my head PARANOID N shun the thaught away

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  41. mcat seriously messes with the mind... I sometimes think if the effects and the way my mind has been left in a state are/is irriversable. after taking excessive amounts for a few years, the paranoia whilst on the drug becomes uncontrollable to the extent where you can look or make eye contact with any1 even your own friends. when your friends leave the room you instantly think there talking about you... its really not a nice feeling. I have sinice stopped taking this drub but the lasting effects wont go away... im now a fairly awkward person in everyday life, even getting paranoid of a line of coke lol. to be fair for a few months after coming off it even being drunk my mine would still be thinking paranoid thoughts... if your thinking of taking this drug or have just started please take this into consideration because if not brought under control very quickly it will rapidly spiral out of control and before you know it you'll end up like me :P

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  42. Its great to hear that all you lot have stopped, but that's what I want to do as well because it doesn't only hurt my body, its hurting my family because I cant stop me doing it because im addicted and I hate my self for putting my mum through all this pain watching me kill my self:( if you've never tried it, you don't want to because you'll have no money, no family and no relationship and learn from all of us who do it or did do it because you lose everything.

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  43. my daughters been doing mcat for about 18 months now and shes breaking my heart she has 2 beautiful young children who she doesnt care for properly and shes changed so very much from the pretty loving outgoing vivacious young woman she was to a gaunt paranoid selfish shadow of the person we all knew ,anyone who's thinking of trying to kick this habit good luck and dont ever stop stopping x

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  44. My girlfriend is on this stuff im sure of it she refuses to admit it but saturday night she come back to mine and had a fit on the bed she is constantly seeing a bloke in the room she says its to do with something she had when she was younger etc etc i have never done anything like that i dont smoke and i dont really drink i love her too pieces... its very hard to understand i am trying my best to be there for her we are engaged but i have had enough now she is constantly moody with me we are always arguing she is saying she is depressed because of me but i know this isnt the case when i ask her about it she goes off on one and dumps me then apologises an hour later this happens constantly i cant help but love the girl i want her too come off it but i dont know what i can do to help her im trying to be there for her and give her everything and helping her keep busy with work and college but she always seems too hallucinate and go moody with me she will be round in a bit so im hoping to have a chat about it then anybody got any ideas that could help me

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  45. I'm 18, I started but doing meow when my friends parents went away for a week, he threw a week long party 24/7 every day, we all stayed there and just got on it every night. At that party, a gram would last me and a couple of friends to get us through each night along with a ten bag of weed and alcohol. It's been 3 months since that party and I'm now mentally and physically addicted, I'm on it every other day if not every day, will get through 6g a night, I wake up every morning feeling like shit and craving my next line. Meow has ruined my life and my friends lives, never have any money anymore, my family don't know I'm doing any of this, they don't even know what Meow is, which is a plus because my room stinks of it. I just wanna give up, but right now I don't know if I ever will. Never touch this shit, most addictive drug ever.

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  46. Well I guess I gotta say im really fucked up on the shit. Ive been taking in for about 18months now and have seriously hit rock bottom this year. The amount of debt I have gotten in to is appalling and with a unlimited tick ability, I have just fucked everything up. It started off as one gram on a friday night out the went to two then three then I started going round to party's as I figured I could buy more of the shit if I wasnt going in to town so then I was getting a 8ball of the stuff. Then it started lasting all weekend and carrying on to monday then tuesday untill I was running up a shockingly high tick bill only coming off the stuff to go to work I went to court over my rent arrear. I used payday loans that I had no intention of paying back to fuel weekends anything that I didnt have to buy with cash didnt get paid. I have finally started to realise the error of my ways but im finding it hard as I am constantly surrounded by people who love to pull me in (especially the dealers). I just had a 2 week brake but because it was my boyfriends birthday yesterday I found my self phoneing up for a hit at 9oclock last night which led to 7 gram and now im sat here coming down and felling pretty shitty about my self.... ffs I need to get a grip. Any who just to let anyone know if they are feeling down 2 you are not alone its evil stuff that comes with a false cheap price tag that could end up costing you everything!

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  47. M Kat Is something you should never take not even on a one time, im going through this stage now and im taking my first step by going to the doctors this friday

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  48. i love doing it im never going to stop

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    1. You haven't snorted enough of it yet mate, you'll realise..

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  49. I was never into drugs and used to laugh at my friends payin £40 for a light buzz off cocaine, then people started talking about this new drug some dealer guy had called mkat. Most of the talk went right over my head as I really didn't care about drugs. My mates all got one when we was having an Xbox night in, and as usual I just let them get on with it. A few minutes later they all looked wide eyed stroking the carpet, raving about how good it was, so curiosity got the better of me and I gave it a go. Now I absoulutely loved how it made me feel, but I wish to god I had never tried it. Few few months it was exiting but after a year or so me and my mates realised we couldn't meet up without having it, seems like the best idea at the time but then 2 days later and you havnt eaten or slept and you look like a pasty smack head. I'd say to some degree its ruined my life, and a lot of local people round here are really bad on it being labeled as 'Kat heads'. Its been about 3 years I've been at it now, I'll avoid going out just to not be faced with the temptation, my mates continually let each other down on special events such as birthdays because they got on it the night before. It really has ruined a lot of life's for people who come from good family's like you said in the blog post, I think that is down to the fact it was legal for a bit so everyone thought it was safe biw its illegal it surprisingly stayed the same price ..I go a while without having it now but when I do its goodbye the next 2 days, and suspicious questions on why I'm not eating. My advice to you is dont try it, everyone I know who has is now a moderate addict, what I mean by that is you arnt on it all the time but it consumes your life if you go on a 2-3 day bender(which once you start you seem to have no control over) then of course if you havnt eaten or slept for that long it pretty much ruins your whole week feeling rough, then repeat cycle if you go out again. I am at uni and have a job, and am really into looking my best but this stuff post-bender makes you unmotivated, unsocial and damnright depressed.

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    1. I totally agree with you... I can't be around drugs at all it's too tempting. I haven't touched MCAT in over 3 years now because of my kids, one line is enough to send you off for days...

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  50. MACT STOLE MY SON

    Reading everyone's story about being on mcat is so sad but i thought i would share my story about my experience with mcat that has taken mine and my familys life. The thing is i have never taken it but my son has i feel like this drug has stolen him from me. He is 19 years old and been on it now for a few years. Its breaks my heart to see what it has done to him and his life and all the people around him that care but the only problem is he cant see any of it as mcat has got hold of him.
    As a mother i have tried everything to get him off it and make him see what it is doing to him but at the moment his love for the drug is more than his love for his family. He thinks there isnt a problem but how can that be he has lost so much weight face totally sunken in really bad problems with his jaw lost his job been kicked out so many times cant count any more goes missing for days on end with brothers and sisters going out looking for him to bring him home because we are all so worried but there is no problem in his eyes.
    This time he has been missing for 6 days without a word from him i spend my nights unable to sleep worried sick where he is whats he doing his he still alive how does he manage with no money at all all this racing through my head. Off to work i go each day acting like nothing is wrong so hard trying to smile and do my work when inside my heart is breaking for the son mcat has stole from me. This time we will not be out looking for him he has to come home and want to get off this ugly stuff himself . I only hope that he will come to his sences before its to late.
    For all of you thinking of taking it please dont it will not only fuck up your life but everyone around you.

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    1. That's heartbreaking, it sounds like what my mum used to say to me. I was so ashamed of myself during the time I was taking it that I never went to see my mum, because I couldn't stand her looking at me, knowing that she knew. Maybe you could direct him to this site, not just for the blog post but to read the comments as well?

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  51. Hi my daughter is taking this drug daily she as 3 of my grandchildren and as just found out she is pregnant again !!! I really don't know what to do she is a single pig headed parent at 28 and she knows best . I'm so worried I have already lost a son to drugs and I don't want to lose a daughter as well can anyone advice me what to do x

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  52. Hi my daughter is taking this drug daily she as 3 of my grandchildren and as just found out she is pregnant again !!! I really don't know what to do she is a single pig headed parent at 28 and she knows best . I'm so worried I have already lost a son to drugs and I don't want to lose a daughter as well can anyone advice me what to do x

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    1. I can't tell you what to do because it effects people in different ways but from most of the comments on here people have experienced what I wrote about before. I can tell you though that your daughter CANNOT look after children while associating herself with this drug. I had to let my daughter go to live with my mum for a few weeks while i sorted myself out. She won't be getting up in the morning to feed them. She won't have the money to feed them as she'll spend the money on MCAT. She will put the drug before her kids (like I did) and they will suffer with a depressed, angry, emotional mother. You need to help the children by either calling social services or taking them to live with you. If that isn't possible then I would be going round her house, every day to keep an eye on things x

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  53. meow meow is a pile of fucking shite, i used to take it when it first came out and you could buy it legally and it was good stuff, still carried on taking it when it became illegal and thats when all the dealers got greedy and started cutting it with all sorts of shite ( understandable as dealers want to maximize profit .) used to finish work on a friday go out on the drink then end up in a house party when the clubs shut and we would literally sniff lines of meow meow for about 48 hours. i felt so dirty and scruffy on the monday going to work and it would take me til around wed/thurs to start feeling normal again and then i would repeat the following weekend and this went on for years. ive seen the light now and grown the fuck up thankfully but it definately done some damage to me mentally, im quite paranoid at times and it takes me a few pints to loosen up when i go out on the drink these days.
    ANYONE THINKING OF PUTTING THIS SHITE UP THERE NOSE AND MAKING A REGULAR THING OF IT I WOULD URGE YOU SERIOUSLY NOT TO!!!

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  54. anyone thinking of putting this shite up there nose please take my advice and dont do it.
    i used to sniff at least ten gram of this shit every weekend monday to sunday and feel like a right dirty cunt on the monday going to work, it took a really bad experinece in ibiza while taking ecstacy for 5 days solid with about 10 hours sleep in total to make me stop taking all forms of drugs all together. it may be good at the time but the lasting effects and damage to your mind seriously arnt woth it, im not the same guy i was, i still go out on the drink and that but it takes me a few pints to loosen up and be myself, im almost certain this is down to the abuse my body and mind has taken over the years with meow meow and E''S. good look in life everybody and keep away from this shite!!!

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  55. MCAT is a headfucker

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  56. Haven't taken it for around 6 months and my head is still well and truly fried. I was already a pretty socially anxious person before but dealt with it well. It was OK the first few times but I had one really bad experience on it where I was with the wrong ppl and they fucked with my mined on purpose just to see my reaction.that was the point were i should have stoped but instead carried on doing 1 or 2 grams buy myself every weekend just because the high is so good. I now can't go out without having had lots to drink and have drifted away from all the friends I had and am basically a reclus.I appreciate not everyone reacts the same way I'm just trying to get across it just takes one bad experience on drugs to ruin your life.

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    1. Hey bud that happened to me about four years ago now, that thing your so called friends did was the trigger, which will cause you day to day aniexty/paranoia I think its more complex than that but lets just label it that, anyway I stayed clear of all drugs for a year hoping it would get better, it didn't, I turned to smoking heroin after the doctor gave me anti depressants they didn't work, the good news from the heroin it made me feel normal which is the only thing I wanted to be for so long, just knowing that I could feel normal safed me, ofcourse id never be suicidal but I cant live how the mkat left my mental state, its like a stress/confution , I never had any of this before mkat, it takes a trigger then your fuked

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  57. I seriously felt on my own ... I use to do A lot Of coke and got so addicted to it was so depressed and had issues with my weight.. I then went to festivals and tried mkat.. i Loved it , i didnt chase the high like coke i didnt spend as much Money and now i feel like i need it when im out . I want to o stop so badly but i love doing drugs :( my nose has become so thin and worn i just Dont know how to heal it xx

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  58. Im a 15 year old girl about a month ago i had my very first line of meow and i just got hooked straight away ( i had smoked weed and had ket before but meow seamed so much better) one day i bought it for myself and my friend tried it ( i didnt pressure her or anything she wanted some) and then more of our friends wanted some so we have now this little meow group. we dont have it a lot. although we got into trouble at school for doing it ut the school understand and there wasnt a major punishment. we like to do it for fun were are not addicts or anything like that but we just have such meaningfull talks when we take it. now the other day we got bought some and i think it was cut with something as i had the biggest high in the world. but my problem is when i have the first line i throw up couple minutes later and then after that i can have as many as i want and ill be conpletly fine. but the other day i woke up thank fully i was still with my friends and i had two small lines and i had a really bad trip. i was sat at the toilet for a hour spewing only water and meow. i felt like my throat had closen up and i literally felt like i was dying. i was tripping so bad. that day i couldnt do anything i felt violently sick and couldnt eat anything and id never felt like that before. im so glad my friends werw there for me though otherwise i would have probably done something stupid. but now i dont feel like doing it again some moments i get like ooh id love some right now but then i remind myself what i was like and i decide against it. i mean that night i was up till 5 am i was one of those girls begging for another line i was literallt shaking and gagging for it thankfull my friend didnt let me<3 but anyway i think im going to lay off it now because right now im completly depressed and last night and like today i cant sleep at all and blood keeps coming out my nose and i still feel a bit queasy but i think im coping better. Its best i stay off it right? i hope you all dont think im some stupid girl i only wanted it for the pick me up and me and my friends bond pretty well on it. so any advice on anything? like the throwing up ? or trying to stay off it would be great help. idk why i shared this but yeah.

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    1. Hi, just went through this and sounded like something I would have said in the past. A few years on and my advice to you is PLEASE STOP. Do whatever it takes to stop, if that means cutting down then stopping altogether or just going cold turkey! I've stopped for like 6months and use to take it loads!!!! So you can do it trust me. Delete delers numbers, avoid things or places that make you tempted, just until your strong enough to later be in an environment where there may be temptation but you say no. All the best X

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  59. Im not a teenager and im not addicted but i have just been released from a mental hospital on account of this wonder drug. This plus ridiculous amounts of cannabis which i am/was addicted to. I smoked a splif on my release and felt so dreadful, immediately back into the darkest most hellish psychosis i have ever experienced or frankly even heard about (hellraiser meets hostel) that i really think my dope addiction has vanished, not smoked for a fortnight now or craved.

    Mcat to me seemed totally different from your experiences though i watched everyone in my circle crave more and more and more until we had all spent over £1000 in total during the bender we had gone on together. I used this drug quite sensibly, like a bit of an anti depressant, if i felt low id do 0.3gs to just get on with my life, it put bounce back in my step but didnt really give me much of a buzz, and i could save it for later, unlike everyone else who would persuade me to give them my stash. I was pretty ok, no come down, no real negative effects, i lost over a stone (which i needed to lose!) i tended to look at it as a antidepressant really, 0.3 just made me feel ok and motivated, this was a wonder drug. that was until i was given 0.7gs and told it was a right rush. 9 days no sleep and hallucinations of butchery will put one in the loony bin. I basically am the sole survivor of my own horror movie. Not saying i wont do this again, but 0.7g - not a chance. One good thing is as i said the dope smoking is over! Take this shit with extreme caution, its good provided you dont take too much, you eat and sleep and you have days off. Other than this i am reminded of seroxat, this pharmaceutical which can give a person such bad hallucinations they murder their entire family. Id rather the cat than that and i need something to get out of bed, self medication. It has not addicted me so far, but it has everyone i know, they end up spending everything they have, getting themselves right in shit for this stuff. Thats the risk, can you handle it, can you moderate, if not, and if you have any mental health issues you are risking a great deal for very little return. 0.3 g i feel normal and like i image most non depressed mentally healthy people feel, 0.7g I am in hell hallucinating that demons are disemboweling me over and over and over. Good luck to all. x

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  60. So glad this blog is still alive, how is everyone doing now? I'm still trying to quit completely but getting a job has helped me massively cut down

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  61. I'm stopping today can't take it no more being a slave of white powder for years no I had it!! Pray for me!!!

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  62. My 18 year old daughter has taken MCAT for nearly 2 years but I only found out 2 weeks ago. I suspected she was using something but she always denied it and when i questioned her she would go off and tell me to butt out of her life. We had always been so very close to our relationship nearly breaking down due to her behaviour and attitude. On occasion I felt that she may hurt me and didnt feel safe around her. She only told me because I wouldn't let her go out until she told me the truth. I have referred her to drugs support and she has a drugs counsellor and she seen her once and will see her on a weekly basis. I have spent nights pacing trying to contact her just to hear her voice knowing she ok which is a terrible awful nightmare of a feeling for any parent. I love my daughter with all my heart and do everything and anything for her but I feel helpless. Last night she came home a wreck but she came home to her mum I cradled her on the kitchen floor loved her reassured her. I have never seen anything like it.... this was not my daughter this was the drug taking over her. She was a frightened little girl my little girl and I just wanted to protect her and make her feel safe loved and wanted. We cried together we hugged and talked for 4 hours on the kitchen floor until she started to come down. She was all over the place so emotional upset hurt in pain.. but I listened and listened and told her that I loved her I will always be her mum no matter what and we will do this together and get through this together. Today is the first day 3rd August that we walk together to get her well and clean and stay clean. She also spoke with her big sister on the phone last night and told her everything too ( she knew already as she is my rock in all this) but she lives in another country living her life.. after about 4 hours talking crying and hugging I made her something to eat as she was starving although she could only eat little bits at least she ate.. I then put her to bed where I checked on her through the night as im not going to lose my little girl to this appauling drug. We are going out today spending some quality time together which i cant wait as we not done that for such a long time. I know this is goingbto be a long road to recovery and no doubt there will be setbacks but im here for the duration... i want my girl back and I will get her back..she wants to come off and live her life.. sorry for going on but im sat alone on my sofa crying looking for help and came across this which helped me see things clearer so thank you...

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  63. I've just find out my son taking MCAT for many years but started on weed he now been to doctors to tell them he is suicidal and broke down and credited my soul out being his mum it breaking my heart that he has a good life loved deeply by both parents we spilt when he was two.I didn't even know that my son was sad at thirteen dad spoiled him went on many holidays abroad met Wayne roonie world cup mascot,as experience a lot of death of loved family and beloved pets at a young age,my dad was always around and laughed a lot hit him hard but didn't show any tears ,I was in bits my self but at to be strong for my son how do I help my son see since and change his life be four to late he talk to my brother and said taking more and more to get an high,dangerous amounts,help me if any one can give advice he- also steeled from me and smashed thing-s in home his dad is a police officer and am a career for my bro

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  64. Hi Guys, it's me again...it's funny because I've been checking back to this blog ever since about 2011 when I first started taking mcat. I've written about 3-4 comments in this blog (as anonymous user) throughout the years, all of them saying every time how BADLY I want to stop!!! 4 years on and I still take it every other week, calmed down a lot compared to before!! But...I really want it to be out my life for good, really guna give it a propper go this time round. I've stopped for a few weeks before. And I've heard from others if you can do a month it does get easier. I've tried to take practical steps towards my goal eg deleting all dealers or friends that know deals numbers from my phone. That helps because when your drunk and go through your phone u remember why u deleted the numbers in the first place. (Because the comedowns outweigh the high eventually, u feel feel like an absolute bag of crap after it's so not worth it) nothing productive gets done when your on it, u don't get back to 'normal' till a few days. I just need to grow up and get the will power back that I know I have! Drugs have never really been me, I mean although I take it I've always known deep down inside it's not how I wana carry on or what I'm really about!!! So, it starts today....I've tried MANY times before but feeling confident about this time round, no excuses no exceptions....I will repost back to this blog on regular intervals just to keep you guys updated!! x take care and good luck everyone x

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  65. People saying mcat made them unsocial. For me weed did that. Mcat just reminds me of that on the comedown....

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  66. Hi my names haydeb I'm 19 and have been using mkay for 2 years I started off the same as you and its ended up me using at least 2 grams a day I am slowly trying to Wien myself off the stuff and am realizing that I will only die young I found your story very interesting and understanding as that is how I started I hope you do kick the drug and best wishes to you to you and your future

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  67. I love mcat
    Lost two stone n loads of energy
    Makes me feel happy n nothing annoys me
    I do maybe three gram a week so nothing major
    Do struggle days I haven't got it but usually pop some tramadol to feel the same

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    1. Because that Is the way to go. You say you love mcat but. That's not the case it loves you and thrives of blocking stems in your brain. Mentally telling you that you love it and you are losing control hence the sub that you are using when you don't have any.
      All the best and I hope you can limit you self before you end up like allot of us on this blog.

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